7 Plays in 7 Days

[Because of Suzan Lori-Parks]







7 Plays in 7 Days

by Len Shneyder



Wednesday 3.07.07

BEYOND

Silver Surfer – Cosmic Entity and Super Hero

The Beyonder – Cosmic Entity and Opportunist



(The stage is dark, very dark, the only light comes from above in the form of constellations. The floor of the stage reflects the constellations as if the entire stage has become the night sky, or the cosmos as it might be carried in some galactic being’s pocket. Silver Surfer and Beyonder enter from opposite sides of the stage at the same time. They walk very slowly. Each appears to be roughly in his mid 20’s. Silver Surfer, not surprisingly carries a silver surfboard. The Beyonder is dressed very poorly like a Floridian tourist in Havana during the 1940s complete with calf high black socks, shorts, a tasteless Hawaiian shirt and carries a pina colada in his left hand and is smoking a big fat Romeo & Julieta cigar in his right. They approach one another, slowly. Silver Surfer is walking slowly, with comic book like drama. The Beyonder doesn’t seem to care and is looking about him as if he’s lost something unimportant like an ash tray.)

SILVER SURFER
Insofar as origins…

BEYONDER
During the creation of space something was misnamed and called emptiness.

SILVER SURFER
Insofar as multipliers…

BEYONDER
It’s dangerous to be one’s own accomplice.

SILVER SURFER
Insofar as danger…

BEYONDER
While creation was defined something was left unnamed and this too was called intrinsic.

Silver Surfer
Insofar as…

BEYONDER
Look, I don’t mind, it’s a stretch but I don’t mind.

SILVER SURFER
Insofar…

BEYONDER
(Throws his drink in SILVER SURFER’S face.)
Let’s not go down this road.

END



Thursday 3.08.07


CHESS

Setting: Hell

Emperor Hirohito (In full Samurai regalia)

Harry S. Truman (in a sear sucker with straw hat)

Franklin D. Roosevelt (Wearing a tutu)

A host of men and women dressed as chess pieces, white behind Hirohito, black behind Truman.

(The two historical figures are sitting across from each other, table is covered in ornate Saki glasses and bad Canadian Whiskey. They’ve been drinking since the 60’s and there’s no letting up. Neither one of them is drunk and they both have to piss constantly, but there isn’t a urinal in sight for at least 4 levels of hell. The floor is a collection of 40+ years of broken saki glasses, cigarette buts, confetti, old newspapers, every issue of playboy ever published, the entire score to The Ring week bladders before the invention of depends. After the delivery of the 1st line they get up and take 3 steps to the right of their chairs, any chess piece can sit down and continue speaking for them, even though they are silent, the audience still knows that it's Hirohito and Truman's lines. The audience knows this as they’re telepathically connected inside of Hirohito and Truman’s minds. The whole time, in the back, Roosevelt is dancing to Gershwin, badly but without crutches.)

HIROHITO
We knew it was going to happen.

HARRY S. TRUMAN
We knew it too.


HIROHITO
You wanted it to happen!

HARRY S. TRUMAN
No more than you.

HIROHITO
See what you’ve done?!

HARRY S. TRUMAN
Much of what’s been done is you

HIROHITO
The issue isn’t me, it’s you

HARRY S. TRUMAN

HIROHITO

HARRY S. TRUMAN
I couldn’t agree more.

HIROHITO
Then you agree it’s your fault.

HARRY S. TRUMAN
No more than yours.

HIROHITO
These denials are useless!

HARRY S. TRUMAN
As are the accusations.

HIROHITO
We didn’t start this.

HARRY S. TRUMAN
Your denial is accusatory.

HIROHITO
But I’ve said it wasn’t us!

HARRY S. TRUMAN
Your responsibility is absent
HIROHITO
This is going nowhere!

HARRY S. TRUMAN
You’ve said nothing new.

END


Friday 3.09.07

SHAVING

He – male bearded

She – Female waxed

(A couple is lying in bed, they just finished having sex. There’s an ashtray between them and HE is smoking. It’s summer and the windows are open. The heat makes the smoke linger and dangle like so many lines of lazy ocean waves in the air. She is slightly annoyed to be swimming in a sea of Phillip Morris and is visibly shortening her post coital bliss.)


SHE
Mmmmmm.

HE
Yeah

SHE
So you think you could-

HE
What?

SHE
Shave?

HE
Why?

SHE
Maybe I’d like to kiss you.

HE
So kiss me.

SHE
Maybe I’d like to kiss you without the beard.


HE
Nah, I don’t think so.

SHE
Listen, last week you said you wanted to role play.

HE
So.

SHE
So I went out and waxed my twat so I could be your cheerleader.

HE
And?

SHE
Well maybe I’d like you to be my little boy. And for a moment let’s pretend it all grew back in and I can be an older woman.

HE
I’m not into that.

SHE
WHAT?!

HE
Yeah, doesn’t appeal.

SHE
How about some give and take here.

HE
I did, I gave you the money to get waxed, what more do you want?

SHE
A little compromise would be nice.

HE
It’s too dangerous.

SHE
You’re joking right? Compromise? Dangerous?!
HE
Well think about it, we’d have one crack at it, and then…

SHE
Then what?!

HE
Stubble: I need the beard.

SHE
What does stubble have to do with anything?

HE
If you could grow a beard you’d understand.

SHE
Understand you’re afraid of compromise?

HE
No, what it’s like to kiss your dad. The beard’s Switzerland, and you’re Lolita where you need to be.

END

Saturday 3.10.07

Moving Day

Jake – Early 20s

Molly – Mid 20s

Karen – Mid 20s

Bill – Mid 20s

Dealer – Mid 40s

20 or 30 random people dressed like bums

(There’s the latter half of a UHaul protruding from the left side of the stage filled with boxes. Jake is standing is leaning against the side of the truck. Molly Karen and Bill are very slowly taking a box and from the truck at random intervals, walking across the stage and placing them somewhere in the wings. There’s a Signpost behind and above the truck which reads HAIGHT ST, the cross st. isn’t visible.)

DEALER
Buds, buds, green buds…

JAKE
Yo, how much?

DEALER
Twenty a gram.

JAKE
Le’me see.

DEALER
(hands JAKE a sack)
Sure.

JAKE
This ain’t worth no 20!

DEALER
How much you want to give me for it?

JAKE
I’ll give you five.

DEALER
(ponders)
Ok, deal.

JAKE
(Rolls one on the spot after DEALER leaves and begins to smoke.)

Who said this was a fucked up neighborhood? Don’t look too bad to me, I mean shit, what a deal?! A twomp for a nickel! Moving security my ass… “Jake go watch the truck, Jake, don’t let the truck out of your sight. Jake. Jake. Jake.”

(As he enjoys his cannabis, a host of bums sneak around from behind the truck and begin to empty it of boxes passing them down a line every time the characters are off stage and placing boxes in the wings.)

END

Sunday 3.11.07

Giving Up The Ghost


Man – Mid 50’s


(A man dressed in his mid 50’s is wearing white. The entire stage is white and bathed in cool white light. The surfaces are all painted white, but a flat white so there’s no glare anywhere. He begins by lying on the ground in the middle of the stage, sleeping on a white pillow with a white thin sheet. He wakes slowly and sits up. He takes a long look around rubbing his eyes. The sheet begins to lift off him, seemingly of it’s own volition. He doesn’t notice it at first. Soon he has a puzzled look on his face as he comes to the realization that he is not in his bed. As the sheet lifts further off him he sees a projection of his ghostly self in the sheet. Shocked he reaches for the sheet and catches a corner and begins to struggle with it. He forces the sheet into his pajama pockets, down his pajama pants, he tries tying it around his wrist, anything not to let the sheet get away from him, which is moving this way and that, up stage, down stage, house right house left, off stage, back onto the stage, higher lower. This continues until the man reaches complete exhaustion and collapses dead, on stage.)


END

Monday 3.11.07

The Episode Of The Cosa Nostra’s Tiramisu


Diego – Early 20’s Venezuelan born in the states.

Carter – Early 20’s suburbanite

Old Man – mid to late 60s with giant hands made of leather.


(There’s the façade of a café and tables and chairs on the stage. It’s night time, the café is open and filled with silhouettes insides. The tables outside are empty, or full. Carter and Diego are on the corner of the stage, looking over their shoulders and smoking a pipe. Once they’re done they move toward the tables. Carter sits down and Diego goes inside.)

CARTER
What took you s long?

DIEGO
(Walks out with 2 cappuccinos)
Huh? What?

CARTER
Huh, what? I said what took you so long…

DIEGO
(Walks back in)
Oh, um, there’s more.

CARTER
(Calling after him)
What more?

DIEGO
(Coming back out with a large Tiramisu)
See.

CARTER
See what?! Where’d you get the money? We only had enough for the Caps.

DIEGO
Money? oh, um, we didn’t pay.

CARTER
What do you mean we didn’t pay? Did you offer to pay?

DIEGO
Um, yeah, I did, but he wouldn’t take my money.

CARTER
What do you mean he wouldn’t take your money?

DIEGO
He just wouldn’t take it.

CARTER
Oh I see, did he think you were cute?

DIEGO
No it wasn’t like that, he’s old.

CARTER
Who’s old?

DIEGO
The Barista.

CARTER
So an old man could’ve thought you were cute. You get hit on by men all the time.

DIEGO
It wasn’t like that.

CARTER
So what was it like oh stoned one? Did you just take the cake and walk out assuming it was Plymouth rock?




DIEGO
Dude, I handed him money, he said no, shook his head, well he didn’t say no, he just shook his head. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a fat wad of bills and puts a 10 in the drawer.

CARTER
How fat?

DIEGO
Scary fat.

CARTER
Ok, so then what?

DIEGO
He hands me the Tiramisu and smiled, but I couldn’t carry it cause I had the cappuccinos so I left it and came back to get it.

CARTER
It doesn’t make any sense.

DIEGO
I know.

(At that moment the old man walks out of the café door, saunters up to them. He’s wearing a short sleeve short, old man polyester pants but has a heavy gold ring on his finger, a heavy gold chain and matching bracelet. He comes up to them with two spoons, shakes each of their hands and saunters off stage while he dawns a Fedora. As he’s walking away the theme to the godfather begins to play.)

CARTER
Wonder what’s gonna happen now.

(Gunshots ring out, fade to black)


END

Tuesday 3.12.07

AGENT ORANGE


Two Allen Ginsberg impersonators in their early 70s

(The two impersonators, complete with glasses, wearing suits with orange ties and carrying a small daisy walk down the aisles of the theatre through the audience and mount the stage from either side. On the stage are two podiums that are lit from above with a single spot. One podium is yellow, the other podium is red. Either Ginsberg can begin reading. The poem is a modified [lifted] version of Ginsberg’s poem “Who Bomb”. The reading goes in a round and then eventually they start randomly spitting lines without any formal meter or circular rhythm. This goes on while the house lights, which should be down when this starts, slowly start going up and turning to orange until the entire house is bathed in a bright, agent, orange. At this point, and with both speakers slowly loosing their voice, the temperature of the house is raised until it becomes uncomfortable, not terribly hot, just uncomfortable. This continues, degree by degree until the Ginsbergs begin to undress one article of clothing at a time. This continues until the audience leaves and or collapses from heat exhaustion. The Ginsbergs eventually pass out and die on stage from heat induced strokes. The lines are to be repeated as many times as necessary for desired audience and actor effects to happen, or until someone spontaneously combusts.)

GINSBERG 1


People roast!
History toast!
People roast!
History toast!
People roast!
History toast!

He say carry a gun!
Sacrifice is fun!
He say carry a gun!
Sacrifice is fun!
He say carry a gun!
Sacrifice is fun!
He say carry a gun!
Sacrifice is fun!
He say carry a gun!
Sacrifice is fun!

Burnt to the floor!
Let’s even the score!
Burnt to the floor!
Let’s even the score!
Burnt to the floor!
Let’s even the score!
Burnt to the floor!
Let’s even the score!


GINSBERG 2


How did they burn?
Why did they burn?
How did they burn?
Why did they burn?
How did they burn?
Why did they burn?

How was it done?
Why was it done?
How was it done?
Why was it done?
How was it done?
Where was it done?
Who made a buck?
Where was it done?
Who made a buck?
Where was it done?

Who was it for?
Where did it start?
Who was it for?
Where did it start?
Who was it for?
Where did it start?
Who was it for?
Where did it start?